Current road in life

I feel like I'm stuck at the intersection of disappointment and depression.
U-turn prohibited.

So where do I go from here. Only one option available; Go forward and move on.

I strongly hate the fact that I have to much time on my hands to think things over.
I am disappointed in myself which then led to this current feeling of depression.
Normally I am never in this state of mind, but i am only human. Its a natural emotion.

I am disappointed in the decisions I have made to cope with my situations.
Lately i've completely contradicted and went against my own advice.
Although I am disappointed in myself because of my previous actions that have taken place,
honestly I don't regret them. It has affected me in a more positive rather than a negative way.

Clearly I can see my faults and errors.
I am well aware that I did wrong, and there's no one to point fingers at except myself.

If you are still in this car pool and still along on my destination in finding myself,
Sincerely I would like to thank you. Fair warning it is going to be a bumpy and rough one.
But its well worth the trip.

Time to look at my map because I seem lost, time to crack open my bible for some guidance.

What's worst than....
not even trusting yourself.

I thought a while ago I had my mind set, and things were going well for a while. But I was wrong. I actually made a promise to myself to "Trust myself" That didn't go to good.
Yeah, recently i made a few bad choices, but I don't regret any of them. You live and you learn. Thats all to it.

I just need to figure out one question.
WHEN WAS IT COOL TO ACT LIKE A FOOL?!

Recently I could sincerely say I was a screwing up. I was weak, I was down, I was pissed, I was confused; still am. Im not saying that i am going to change, but lets just say its slowly going to happen.

After one of the craziest nights i've had in a while, i got a reality check/wake up call from a wise man that i look up to, for guidance and etc. What was said was true, and it did shake my head up.

So if others believe in me, why cant i?
This really does sound pathetic and emo, not my type of shit.

So if others care about me, why cant i?
I got so much shit from friends and others telling me...
"Why are you skipping" "You better not be smoking" "what happen to you, you used to be smart" - OUCH! thanks a lot ex-girlfriend!

So if others can put there trust in me, why cant I?
I didnt even trust myself to get outside of a classroom today,
knowing if i did, i wouldnt come back!

So, where do i go from here?
Heres what
-Move the fuck on
-Im not looking back, whats done is done.
-Have my failure by my teacher, not my undertaker.
-GET MY ACT TOGETHER!

To end this, I would like to thank those who did show concern/guidance, etc.
You know who you are.

Over and Out
- Jay|Aye
Jordan Arenas

knock you down

Its painful to experience things that gives you severe discomfort, and its normal.
Pain is MANDATORY, suffering is optional.
I've learned that the best thing to do is forget about it and move on.
Things happen for a reason, and God does work in mysterious ways.
You could continue to search for answers and constantly stress over a situation which you have no control over, or you can learn from it and move on.

As the saying goes, no pain no gain.
Usually you hear this as a physical motivation, but it can work for emotional as well.
The more pain you go through can either make you, or it can break you.
Just like working out, the more heavier and the more reps you do, the more resistance and strength you gain.
In the long run it helps you with endurance and capabilities. The more BS that happens will build you up and prepare you for the future. because its just the beginning for things and life goes on.

When ever im knocked down, i dont want sympathy or pitty, i would rather receive advice to help me get through, instead of false hope and praise.

Over and out.

No Way Out

Some know what's going on with me, and those who do are the ones that i have opened up to and i feel that i could trust. Most of these blogs/notes have been set to private

If i have learned anything from painting illegally its this
"The best way out is always through."
When things would go wrong; cops show up, it rains, it floods in the ditch. The best way out were always the hardest ways. Through a little hole, through 6 ft california grass (the kind of grass the makes you itch for days, through a mud pit getting your shoes messed up.
Sometimes there is no easy way out but to just go through it.

Same thing with my current situation in life right now. I know that i have problems, and im starting to realize that some are out of my control. There is no easy way out of life, even when life is harder than dying.
The best advice that i have received is that life always has more laying in front of you, and to just keep going.
Another thing hit me, "turbulence" It first hit me last night from the advice, then again before i went to sleep while watching the news, then when woke up something in my horoscope related to turbulence. This journey in life may be a rough one, but just like on air plane rides, just go through it.

So, i will just continue to let life surprise me through the ups and downs, through the tragedies and triumphs. I know theres more to come, and i cant do anything but to go through it. It may hurt me at first but it will benefit me with the life lesson learned in long run. Take things into stride and still continue to have no regrets.

Remember,

The best way out is always through.